It's been a while! Let's catch up and kick back with those extra-fat Sunday headlines!
Business
Farmer’s Almanac Publisher Faces Insider Trading Charges Connected to Heating Oil Speculation Scam; ‘Rough Winter’ Knowledge Alleged
International
China: Apple Factory Workers Forced to Forfeit Lunch Breaks for ‘Hour of Homage’ Commemorating Founder Steve Jobs’ Passing
US Politics
Traditional Election Season War Not ‘Sure Thing’ as Oppressive World Regimes Crumble; Canada "Looking Pretty Good” - (Defense Dept. Source)
Entertainment
Disney Corp. Lobbies for 'Foreign Pop Star Tariff'; “We Just Want a Level Playing Field.” - (Spokesman)
Economy
‘Double Dip’ Recession Seen by Experts as Unlikely; Strong Job Growth in Bounty Hunting, Freelance Drum Circle Sectors
Weather
“Something’s Coming... Something ~ Wonderful!” - (US Meteorological Survey)
+ Marmaduke!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Yet More Things to Do Last Week
In our vibrant city, it’s easy to forget which events to skip. Here’s just a few you missed when you blinked ~
(Tues) Snoop Dogg performance / book-signing @ Barnes & Noble Union Square
The mega-platinum rapper & ultra-high multimedia playa arrives in town to promote his new memoir, The Audacity of Dope. He will perform several fresh new remixed tracks and provide a few tips on how to become a lovable super-stoned media darling after killing a few dudes.
(Wed) Film Forum’s ‘Unrelated Sequels’ series continues with the harrowing 1-2 emotional punch of Tap & Taps. Didn’t know Gregory Hines’ tap-dancing skills and ultra-strict teen military schools had anything in common? Just watch closely (& dance, maggot)!
(Thurs) ‘Eat Local’ Day - Dining destinations from the gourmet to the greasy-spoon will compete for the locavore dollar, vying to achieve the fastest ‘kill-to-table’ ratio while serving their discerning patrons the freshest animal, vegetable or mineral entree. Some Chinatown restaurants have already gotten a jump on the exciting event, offering a new ‘Catch of the Day’ rotating daily vermin-sourced in-house menu option!
(Fri) ‘The Living Kaleidoscope’ Park - In the tradition of ‘repurposed’ public spaces like the successful ‘High-Line’ comes this newly minted curiosity, a former sewage drainage tunnel abutting the Brooklyn Battery, now converted into an enchanting life-size revolving kaleidoscope filled with shards of locally-blown glass - perfect for enchanting observers and distracting from the blinding white noise of the BQE. A modest seating area will be provided in the expressway median for lingering views.
(Sat) The Jell-O Joint Opening - The ever-narrowing race for niche-food specialization conquers a new frontier - Jell-O! The Kraft-sponsored Jell-O Joint, opening in the shell of a gutted unsightly OTB parlor, will feature a wide ‘artisinal gelatin’ selection, including vegan and soy varieties, whimsically shaped & molded by local craft-food artistes. Be sure to try the vodka-infused spirulina Jell-O shots & the delish nori pudding pop! We’re all Cosby Kids in the end.
(Tues) Snoop Dogg performance / book-signing @ Barnes & Noble Union Square
The mega-platinum rapper & ultra-high multimedia playa arrives in town to promote his new memoir, The Audacity of Dope. He will perform several fresh new remixed tracks and provide a few tips on how to become a lovable super-stoned media darling after killing a few dudes.
(Wed) Film Forum’s ‘Unrelated Sequels’ series continues with the harrowing 1-2 emotional punch of Tap & Taps. Didn’t know Gregory Hines’ tap-dancing skills and ultra-strict teen military schools had anything in common? Just watch closely (& dance, maggot)!
(Thurs) ‘Eat Local’ Day - Dining destinations from the gourmet to the greasy-spoon will compete for the locavore dollar, vying to achieve the fastest ‘kill-to-table’ ratio while serving their discerning patrons the freshest animal, vegetable or mineral entree. Some Chinatown restaurants have already gotten a jump on the exciting event, offering a new ‘Catch of the Day’ rotating daily vermin-sourced in-house menu option!
(Fri) ‘The Living Kaleidoscope’ Park - In the tradition of ‘repurposed’ public spaces like the successful ‘High-Line’ comes this newly minted curiosity, a former sewage drainage tunnel abutting the Brooklyn Battery, now converted into an enchanting life-size revolving kaleidoscope filled with shards of locally-blown glass - perfect for enchanting observers and distracting from the blinding white noise of the BQE. A modest seating area will be provided in the expressway median for lingering views.
(Sat) The Jell-O Joint Opening - The ever-narrowing race for niche-food specialization conquers a new frontier - Jell-O! The Kraft-sponsored Jell-O Joint, opening in the shell of a gutted unsightly OTB parlor, will feature a wide ‘artisinal gelatin’ selection, including vegan and soy varieties, whimsically shaped & molded by local craft-food artistes. Be sure to try the vodka-infused spirulina Jell-O shots & the delish nori pudding pop! We’re all Cosby Kids in the end.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
In The Papers #2
It's Thursday - time to catch up with our periodic random sampling of this week's headlines you may have missed ~
(Finance)
Dow Up 200 pts. in Anticipation of
Speech by Chairman of Franklin Mint
(Metro)
WTC Developer Insists New Freedom Tower ‘Kong-Proof’
(Sports)
NBA Draft Adopts ‘Musical Chairs’ Format
(Crime)
Headless Body Found in Wireless Store
(an updated classic)
(Politics)
New Law Would Force Returning Vets to Build Casinos
(TV/Ent.)
Regis Philbin Announces “I Have Media Empire Too!”
(Finance)
Dow Up 200 pts. in Anticipation of
Speech by Chairman of Franklin Mint
(Metro)
WTC Developer Insists New Freedom Tower ‘Kong-Proof’
(Sports)
NBA Draft Adopts ‘Musical Chairs’ Format
(Crime)
Headless Body Found in Wireless Store
(an updated classic)
(Politics)
New Law Would Force Returning Vets to Build Casinos
(TV/Ent.)
Regis Philbin Announces “I Have Media Empire Too!”
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Climate-Savvy Tourist (2020 ed.)
Mother Nature sure has been getting ‘uppity’ lately, unleashing drought, floods, hurricanes and earthquakes in areas unaccustomed to such weather violence. Whether you attribute this upheaval to man-made causes, or simply ‘female trouble,’ there’s no denying America’s flora and fauna is not what it used to be! Does this mean you should stay inside on permanent ‘lockdown,’ quaking with fear at the next potential environmental catastrophe? Psshaah. With a few tips, the intrepid modern tourist can be ready to pack their bags and seize the day! Here are just a few spots being pegged for the U.S.’s next ‘hot spot’ destinations.
Detroit Summer - When Nature in her terrifying wisdom consolidated the 5 Great Lakes into one giant, easier-to-manage ‘Greatest Lake’ - (Mother Superior), she also created a new mega-recreation destination. America’s gritty blue-collar wasteland had long seen better days, and was just waiting for it’s close-up. Say hello to the ‘Boater City!’
Spring Break - Juneau - With the tragic loss of the Florida peninsula, millions of eager college coeds were wondering ‘What now?’ Our northern Alaskan neighbor, where it now only rains in winter, stretches open its grubby oil-rich arms to welcome the fun-loving youth market. Spring brings good hunting, fishing & funnels! Thousands of wet T-shirts announce, “C’mon, Juneau you wanna!”
Thunderdome, Nebraska - Although prison construction has become one of America’s few boom industries (can’t build ‘em fast enough!), surging Bartertown crime rates and shrinking land mass forced the country to seek inspiration from its one true God - Hollywood. Take the family on a ‘scared straight!’ tour of Oprah Winfrey’s sprawling state-of-the-art domed vocational/gladiatorial facilities spanning the state, where lucky ‘interns’ man a wide variety of franchise concession stands, and the irredeemable ‘square pegs’ must duke it out in the ring. We don’t need another hero.
St. Louis, ‘America’s Venice’ - Several U.S. cities will be vying for this title, but scenic St. Louis will no doubt win over the ‘less swampy’ crowd. The mighty Missoura and Mississip’ long ago merged, creating a network of tributaries, and a lively ever-roving riverboat-based government seat and nightlife. In the future, we’re all river-folk.
Southwest Casino Mall Crawl - As fires layed waste to the Southwest’s precious greenery, and Texas succumbed to withering drought, the vast desert region said ‘Why not?’ and made lemonade from Nature’s dry, putrid fruit. What would make gambling even better? Put a roof on it! The Vegas Strip, now a year-round indoor climate-controlled wonderland, stretches across its formerly jealous neighboring states (Arizona, NM) and deep to the heart of Texas. Now it’s always 65 degrees, lushy carpeted and the ante - is you!
Detroit Summer - When Nature in her terrifying wisdom consolidated the 5 Great Lakes into one giant, easier-to-manage ‘Greatest Lake’ - (Mother Superior), she also created a new mega-recreation destination. America’s gritty blue-collar wasteland had long seen better days, and was just waiting for it’s close-up. Say hello to the ‘Boater City!’
Spring Break - Juneau - With the tragic loss of the Florida peninsula, millions of eager college coeds were wondering ‘What now?’ Our northern Alaskan neighbor, where it now only rains in winter, stretches open its grubby oil-rich arms to welcome the fun-loving youth market. Spring brings good hunting, fishing & funnels! Thousands of wet T-shirts announce, “C’mon, Juneau you wanna!”
Thunderdome, Nebraska - Although prison construction has become one of America’s few boom industries (can’t build ‘em fast enough!), surging Bartertown crime rates and shrinking land mass forced the country to seek inspiration from its one true God - Hollywood. Take the family on a ‘scared straight!’ tour of Oprah Winfrey’s sprawling state-of-the-art domed vocational/gladiatorial facilities spanning the state, where lucky ‘interns’ man a wide variety of franchise concession stands, and the irredeemable ‘square pegs’ must duke it out in the ring. We don’t need another hero.
St. Louis, ‘America’s Venice’ - Several U.S. cities will be vying for this title, but scenic St. Louis will no doubt win over the ‘less swampy’ crowd. The mighty Missoura and Mississip’ long ago merged, creating a network of tributaries, and a lively ever-roving riverboat-based government seat and nightlife. In the future, we’re all river-folk.
Southwest Casino Mall Crawl - As fires layed waste to the Southwest’s precious greenery, and Texas succumbed to withering drought, the vast desert region said ‘Why not?’ and made lemonade from Nature’s dry, putrid fruit. What would make gambling even better? Put a roof on it! The Vegas Strip, now a year-round indoor climate-controlled wonderland, stretches across its formerly jealous neighboring states (Arizona, NM) and deep to the heart of Texas. Now it’s always 65 degrees, lushy carpeted and the ante - is you!
Friday, September 2, 2011
In The Papers!
Let's catch up with our periodic random sampling of this week's headlines you may have missed ~
(Global)
Rapture Supporters Change Course; Prefer World Not End
(Domestic)
U.S. Economy Checks Into Rehab for ‘Exhaustion’: Recovery Postponed (TMZ)
(Metro)
Smart Phone Kills Dumb Guy
(Politics)
Republican Presidential Candidates Request Change to ‘Take-Home’ Debate Format
(Entertainment)
Shark Week Leaves 3 Paralyzed - with Suspense!
(Global)
Rapture Supporters Change Course; Prefer World Not End
(Domestic)
U.S. Economy Checks Into Rehab for ‘Exhaustion’: Recovery Postponed (TMZ)
(Metro)
Smart Phone Kills Dumb Guy
(Politics)
Republican Presidential Candidates Request Change to ‘Take-Home’ Debate Format
(Entertainment)
Shark Week Leaves 3 Paralyzed - with Suspense!
Monday, August 22, 2011
(Even More!) Things to Do Last Week
(August Ed., Condensed from the Pages of Time’s Up NY)
Here’s just a few of the many city happenings to miss last week ~
‘Mamet in The Park’ (Every Weekend) Fans will line up early (& occasionally brawl) to gain entry to this free (& blue) city tradition. This year’s gritty al fresco production of ‘American Buffalo’ brings the combined talents of Zach Braff, Woody Harrelson and the kid from ‘Two &1/2 Men.’ The whole family is welcome, but don’t worry - earmuffs will be provided for the little ones as protection from flying F-words. (Though they gotta know that shit by now- it’s the goddam city!)
Squatter Museum & Living History Tour (Tues, Thurs) Last remaining 1980s East Village anarcho-punk communal squatter Duncan ‘Pullen’ Teith leads you on a tour of ‘his’ Tompkins Square Park, including the site of his bulldozed lean-to and the condemned tenement he and his old lady shot up in (now a luxury condo). Meet at the Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt near 7th St. & Ave A.
A Conversation w/ Andrew “Dice” Clay @ Yeshiva Institute (Flushing, Thurs) Raunchy Hebrew comic legend The “Dice-Man” (nee Andrew Silverstein) sits down for a probing discussion about his new memoir, What’chu Lookin’ At, Jew-Boy? (A Reflection) Note: Requests for Andrew’s ‘schtick’ will not be honored, as the conversation will focus on his book only. (Although ya might get one or two if yer lucky, if you know what I mean - Boom!)
Nanny Wars (Sat)- Third Avenue north of 72nd St. will close to traffic for this lively event, in which Upper East Side nannies compete in events ranging from the Duane Reade Pharmacy Relay, to the Toys ‘R Us Elevator Cram to the Stouffer’s Wide Load Stroller 100k. Caribbean treats will be served, and the winner will go on to challenge the champion of the Park Slope Regionals.
‘Time’s Up’s ‘Go Postal!’ Speed-Dating (Sun) With snail-mail fast becoming a cultural artifact and the USPS threatening to go belly-up, why not come out for a night of potential romance to benefit your local branch? The lines move quicker, too! When the lights flash, aspiring singles rotate to greet their next potential match at assigned service windows, hoping for an express delivery - of love. It’s the best ‘Flat-rate’ date in town.
($15 w/one comp. beverage, Canal Street branch)
Here’s just a few of the many city happenings to miss last week ~
‘Mamet in The Park’ (Every Weekend) Fans will line up early (& occasionally brawl) to gain entry to this free (& blue) city tradition. This year’s gritty al fresco production of ‘American Buffalo’ brings the combined talents of Zach Braff, Woody Harrelson and the kid from ‘Two &1/2 Men.’ The whole family is welcome, but don’t worry - earmuffs will be provided for the little ones as protection from flying F-words. (Though they gotta know that shit by now- it’s the goddam city!)
Squatter Museum & Living History Tour (Tues, Thurs) Last remaining 1980s East Village anarcho-punk communal squatter Duncan ‘Pullen’ Teith leads you on a tour of ‘his’ Tompkins Square Park, including the site of his bulldozed lean-to and the condemned tenement he and his old lady shot up in (now a luxury condo). Meet at the Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt near 7th St. & Ave A.
A Conversation w/ Andrew “Dice” Clay @ Yeshiva Institute (Flushing, Thurs) Raunchy Hebrew comic legend The “Dice-Man” (nee Andrew Silverstein) sits down for a probing discussion about his new memoir, What’chu Lookin’ At, Jew-Boy? (A Reflection) Note: Requests for Andrew’s ‘schtick’ will not be honored, as the conversation will focus on his book only. (Although ya might get one or two if yer lucky, if you know what I mean - Boom!)
Nanny Wars (Sat)- Third Avenue north of 72nd St. will close to traffic for this lively event, in which Upper East Side nannies compete in events ranging from the Duane Reade Pharmacy Relay, to the Toys ‘R Us Elevator Cram to the Stouffer’s Wide Load Stroller 100k. Caribbean treats will be served, and the winner will go on to challenge the champion of the Park Slope Regionals.
‘Time’s Up’s ‘Go Postal!’ Speed-Dating (Sun) With snail-mail fast becoming a cultural artifact and the USPS threatening to go belly-up, why not come out for a night of potential romance to benefit your local branch? The lines move quicker, too! When the lights flash, aspiring singles rotate to greet their next potential match at assigned service windows, hoping for an express delivery - of love. It’s the best ‘Flat-rate’ date in town.
($15 w/one comp. beverage, Canal Street branch)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Spoiler Alert!
As our national political death-race kicks into gear (in Iowa, natch), candidates are jockeying for face time on the stump, hoping to gain that all-important early momentum. But in the game of politics, in ain’t over til’ it’s bought and paid for, and nobody really knows how the race will shake out. Pundits are abuzz over who might make a surprise splash as a 2012 presidential ‘spoiler,’ leaving the other chumps sputtering in their wake. A few of the ‘hottest’ tips:
Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger Who better than the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ pilot, our last true National Hero, to take the helm of this reeling airship called America? Someone’s got to land this thing. Take us down gently, or put us out of our misery, Sully! (Looks like we picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.)
Vince, The ‘ShamWow’ Guy Messes were made, but you can be sure the super-absorbent ShamWow can handle ‘em. Admittedly, it’s going to take an awfully big ShamWow to staunch massive global economic bleeding, but Vince has got your back. Sure, the MIA infomercial superstar has been known to get hopped up on goofballs and consort with prostitutes- so he’ll fit right in!
Rachael Ray Take Sarah Palin - add a smidge of sanity (and a stick of butter), and oven-bake ‘til ‘poppin’- fresh,’ and you’ll have America’s homemade culinary media mogul sweetheart! She’s got a perky smile, a ‘nails-on chalk-board’ voice and a shitload of awesome comfort food recipes, just the thing for what ails ya in a double-dip recession. Mmm - double-dip.
Larry, ‘The Cable Guy’ / Joe the Plumber “Get ‘er Done, America in 2012!” (& forever.)
Ralph Nader America’s longest-running professional political spoiler is tanned, rested and pumped for his 2012 reboot. (along with rumored new power gal-pal J-Lo!) This time, he’s done kvetching about car safety, the environment and taxes, and has thrown up his hands in the air (like he just don’t care), making no bones about his true role in the political circus - “Nader 2012 - I just wanna F*ck Sh*t Up!”
Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger Who better than the ‘Miracle on the Hudson’ pilot, our last true National Hero, to take the helm of this reeling airship called America? Someone’s got to land this thing. Take us down gently, or put us out of our misery, Sully! (Looks like we picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.)
Vince, The ‘ShamWow’ Guy Messes were made, but you can be sure the super-absorbent ShamWow can handle ‘em. Admittedly, it’s going to take an awfully big ShamWow to staunch massive global economic bleeding, but Vince has got your back. Sure, the MIA infomercial superstar has been known to get hopped up on goofballs and consort with prostitutes- so he’ll fit right in!
Rachael Ray Take Sarah Palin - add a smidge of sanity (and a stick of butter), and oven-bake ‘til ‘poppin’- fresh,’ and you’ll have America’s homemade culinary media mogul sweetheart! She’s got a perky smile, a ‘nails-on chalk-board’ voice and a shitload of awesome comfort food recipes, just the thing for what ails ya in a double-dip recession. Mmm - double-dip.
Larry, ‘The Cable Guy’ / Joe the Plumber “Get ‘er Done, America in 2012!” (& forever.)
Ralph Nader America’s longest-running professional political spoiler is tanned, rested and pumped for his 2012 reboot. (along with rumored new power gal-pal J-Lo!) This time, he’s done kvetching about car safety, the environment and taxes, and has thrown up his hands in the air (like he just don’t care), making no bones about his true role in the political circus - “Nader 2012 - I just wanna F*ck Sh*t Up!”
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