More Replacements!

The dog daze of summer are a great time for the networks to run some “new” ideas up the flagpole and see who salutes (by not changing the channel). Let’s take a look at a few of the new kids on the block in this sultry season.


Ghost Bodega Did CBS’ untimely cancellations of ‘Touched by an Angel’ and ‘Ghost Whisperer’ leave you in the lurch? Why not try a little Latin “sabor” in your supernatural? In this Saturday night entry, a Dominican inner-city grocery owner (Esai Morales) who was tragically gunned down in a robbery returns behind the counter to keep his ‘loca familia’ in line, and solve the numerous problemas of his customers on the block. Della Reese- watch your back! (CBS, SAT 9pm)

Rim Job It’s like Pawn Stars, but 60% more “street,” as teams of desperadoes nationwide plunder prize tires from cars and bicycles alike, competing to become king of the black-market ‘bling,’ and tear up the road in a cross-country race. Better get a better lock - These boys don’t haggle. (NBC, THURS 10pm)

The Sub Aging dweeb Jon Cryer made good use of his down-time during the ‘Two ½ Men’ turmoil to flex his chops in this intriguing new dramatic series. Cryer plays a mild-mannered journeyman substitute teacher who travels the back-roads of America’s beleaguered educational system, filling in for 3rd period social studies while moonlighting as a problem solving (a la “Equalizer”) heroic mercenary-for-hire. Who needs tenure when the job gets done right? (ABC, WED 9pm)

Blackout! In this reality entry, a serious problem drunk is ‘punk’d’ each week- his world turned upside down by a professional prank team as he rests in a pool of his own vomit – with hilarious results. You won’t believe the priceless reactions, running the gamut from “Holy shit - I killed a guy?” to “I have a butler?” to “I run Fox News?” (FOX, SAT 9pm)

Brick, Notary Public ‘Where’d he go’ TV fave Ted McGinley returns to the airwaves as Brick- a guy who you call to sign stuff. Twist is, Brick is pretty badass- he lives on a boat, scores a lot of babes, solves a crime or two and knows how to party. If he’s not laying down his ‘John Hancock,’ he’s (literally) jumping sharks! (USA, FRI 10pm)

Have you jumped the shark? *

1) Your inner voice is now played by Ted McGinley

2) On the subway, you yawn and suddenly feel an elbow to your ribs! Don't panic - it's just your New Streetwise Orphan Sidekick!

3) Pleasuring yourself used to be a zesty prime-time reward, heightened by chocolate and roses. Now it's a chore you resort to even when there's nothing on Lifetime! You've got Masturbation Ennui.

4) Decisions you used to make quickly, now take - a full 2 episodes!

5) You literally make yourself sick.

Buck up! The money will roll in if you can just make syndication!

* a Happy Days-derived pop-culture phenomenon denoting when a show has worn out its welcome, becoming stale and rehashed - natch!

Things To Do Last Week - OBSOLETE SHEET

Things To Do Last Week---
THE OBSOLETE SHEET CALENDAR
(condensed from the pgs of TIME’S UP NY)

WED
‘STATUS’ Opening @ You Are Not Acknowledged Gallery
(Revolving Location)

‘STATUS: Riddle, Enigma and Haiku in the Fleeting Landscape of Social Networking Status Updates’ will celebrate with opening virtual reception.
Note: In order to attend, visitors MUST register as Lifetime Followers’ of YANA Gallery on Twitter, and compulsively recheck status updates for location btw hours of 7:15 and 9:15 pm.

FRI
That Band From New Zealand @ Blah-Space

That Hugely Influential Band from New Zealand whose name you can’t remember (the one with the terminally ill drummer) will perform their one, and possibly last US gig at the intimate Blah-Space. Forged visa problems forced the band to scrap previous tour plans this year. All proceeds will go toward the drummer’s pointless medical bills and The Fight Against Global Malaise.

SUN
Open-Air Flea / Singles Meet n’ Greet @ Sewage Treatment Tower Park

Vintage sparks (and scents) will fly as young singles stroll the grounds of the recently converted green-space with over 500 vendors at hand. Darting eyes will meet as they haggle over that one ‘special score,’ and then they’ll go have babies. Cupcakes will be served.


OOPS—You Missed it! Better Luck Next Week!