Restaurant Round-Up

A periodic survey of exciting new urban dining trends.

Lunch Lady It’s all here- cold fluorescent lighting, indifferent service, high inter-clique tension, and both kinds of milk. (plus a pending liquor license!) The dishes are uncanny- from the authentic bland (& pliable) squares of freshly microwaved ‘pizza’ to the addictive generic ‘tato tots.’ Be sure to sample the locally-sourced Salisbury Steak and Sloppy Joes on Thursdays, but be wary of the rotating monthly ‘Bertha’s Surprise.’
‘Food Fight!’

Bachelor Flat No need to call ahead for a table at this new hot spot- there are none. Instead, you’ll select from a partially stocked cupboard of canned & packaged foods on the way in (from Ramen to Chef-Boyardee), then take a position at one of the many (50+) personal stove stations, where you can cook and serve your meal individually, eating right over the stove! So get out of that apartment, guys! It’s not pathetic if you’re doing it in public, right?

Tree Fort (No girls allowed, cause they’re yucky.) You’ll marvel at the rustic wood-beamed ambience of this sprawling comfort-kitsch palace. (situated in one of the sleekest of the Trump properties) Choose from the decadent white truffle s’mores , and gather around one of the many brick fire-pits for a drink & a scary story after dinner. Don’t worry- a waiter will hold that flashlight while you peruse the ample selection of ‘nudie’ mags.

The Mission Here the well-heeled can eat how the other half eats (if they’re lucky), in a setting of vague religious benevolence. You’ll line up and eat what they’re serving, then sit in communal tables to stare long and hard at that Gruel that God provided from his bottomless pile of mercy. If you’re lucky, it’s spaghetti day. The perfect new-depression date destination.

The Boiler Room It’s a boiler room.

Recipe Nook

America’s cutting-edge chain restaurants are forging ahead into brave new taste terrain. Think you can do better at home? Why not try your hand at a few of these potential new family sensations.

BLT Loaf
Think outside the bread! as the standby bacon, lettuce, tomato is lovingly embraced by two solid slabs of mom-style meatloaf and slathered with mayo, for a hearty sandwich any time of day.

Pizzerole
Take your favorite oven-baked casserole ~ (mac n’ cheese, noodles romanoff, pork n’ beans are all good choices) and raise it a notch by slapping a zesty pizza on top! Finally the kids can agree on dinner.

Lasagna Fry
Bored with grandma’s old-world lasagna recipe? Why not light a fire under it and drop it in the fryer? Crisp breading meets tangy Italian meat and noodles for your new favorite Sunday family treat.

Grilled Chocolate n’Cheese
Why not? You love both- make it happen. Simply put together your favorite griller, then layer a healthy dose of your choice chocolate sauce inside for a savory special feeling.

Chicken Nugget Omelette
Take your fave nuggets (fancy sauce n’ all) and wrap em’ inside a new blanket of eggy goodness ~ melt cheese of your choice (Velveeta works great) and call it breakfast!

Happy Eating & Be sure to send us your new favorites!