Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Boulevard of Death

I aged a year this morning
just trying to cross the street
White man only gets you half-way
so you have to trust your feet

On the Boulevard of Death

I wrote a letter to the city
detailing my concerns.
They sent me a form email
Man- that really burns!

On the Boulevard of Death

The laundry is dirty
and the cupboard is bare.
You take your life in your hands
stepping out over there.

On the Boulevard of Death

Left the house this morning-
got side-swiped by a hearse.
The traffic keeps on coming,
and it's only getting worse.

(song-poem)

Thank you for your email concerning the pedestrian signal on 4th Avenue Brooklyn.
We appreciate your interest and look forward to working with you on this issue.

Brooklyn Borough Commissioner Joseph Palmieri will work with the Brooklyn Borough Engineer Office to ensure that this matter is addressed properly. .

Borough Commissioner Joseph Palmieri will inform you of our findings and recommendations.

The safety of our residents is of primary concern to the NYCDOT. Your participation in transportation issues which affect your community is greatly appreciated.
Customer Service Division
New York City Department of Transportation

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Replacements

It’s that time again ~ Mid-Season Mania, that is, when the Tube shakes up its old, tired programming with some shiny new, tired programs*! Here’s just a few of those new kids on the block.

60 Minute Makeover (CBS, Sun.) – Your Nana’s cranky old TV news-magazine dinosaur (60 Minutes, natch) gets a lift-and-tuck with this weekly one hour real-time extreme makeover event. This week – Kim Kardashian tackles Leslie Stahl. (Still features a last word from Andy Rooney – and looking good!)

Wiki-Wow! (FOX, Fri.) – Watch spicy re-enactments of each week’s massive online info-revelations and revel in America’s dirty laundry. This week- Hillary disses somewhere called India, and the Obamas’ chef sneaks in a non-fat substitute for Ben Netanyahu’s fave creamy Thousand Islands salad dressing ~ ooh, snap!

Antiques Roadhouse (PBS, Fri.) – Toss a few back to raunchy, rural spinoff fun, as poor, drunk hopefuls get their chance to trot their worthless old wares down to the local juke-joint for a rowdy appraisin’. Don’t agree with that city-fied appraiser’s take on yer family heirloom? Why not settle it like a man? That fake Tiffany lamp still smashes skulls right good!

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell! (ABC, see local listings) – It’s a game show now! Perez Hilton hosts this weekly battle of wits, as contestants compete for cash & prizes by earning 3 chances to ask a panel of 3 servicemen/women their sexual proclivities. They must eliminate both the phony gay (planted as distraction), and real homosexual to reveal the last honest, hetero American soldier! USA.

S.A.I.S. (Salvation Army Investigative Squad) (NBC, Fri.) – Thought you got rid of that semen-stained sofa scot-free? Think again, perp! If you’re like most folks, you didn’t know every branch of your local Salvation Army thrift store houses a crack forensic investigative officer stationed in its garage, monitoring each 'donation.' Watch each week as the regional squad teams up to follow a worthless object into ever-deeper and dingier mysteries.

*Cops, America's Most Wanted and Two 1/2 Men will continue to air in perpetuity.