Green Jobs for The ‘New Normal’

Do you find yourself adrift in ennui, twiddling your thumbs in half-hearted anticipation of the re-scheduled Rapture? Try one of these innovative & rewarding new job opportunities that may be right under your nose!


99-cent Store Hospitality Professional No Wal-Mart in your hood yet? Don’t let that stop you from meeting & greeting your community where you see them the most. Just turn in place, offering a hearty handshake and ‘Hola’ to the family of 8 behind you. Presto- you’re hired!

Freelance Plastic Bag Wrangler There’s one! No wait- there’s a bunch. Get ‘em! I think you can boil ‘em down and make oil. Take that, BP!

Used Mp3 Dealer Are yer ‘clickety’ friends loaded down with all those downloads? They say the music industry is dying, but there’s never been a better time for visionary entrepreneurs. Help bargain-minded net-surfers score that special find, and recycle to boot! Just draw up your own ‘download cards’ and set up a 21st century 3-card monte stand. By the time they catch on, you’ll be long gone…

Poop Scout With the recent rampant cutbacks in public services, the Sanitation dept. needs all the help it can get! Become a ‘poop scout,’ carefully pinpointing the greatest concentrations of canine/human excrement in your area and composing a ‘virtual poop map’ app so the professionals can most efficiently apply their resources.

Dumpster Security Those things aren’t going to guard themselves! Suit up an’ keep those pesky ‘freegan’ bloggers from diving for scraps. That’s why they call it garbage, maggot!